How To Have Cybersex
When you hear the term "cybersex," you probably imagine some loser in his mom's basement perusing the web for some fake person to have fun with. But as technology has evolved over the past few decades, so have the online platforms that cater to facilitating virtual hookups.
Gone are the days of fuzzy videos, poor connections and lost live streams. Today, there are many ways to partake in a steamy online exchange with a total stranger, whether that's in real time with the highest grade HD, or through a graphic textual fantasy. There are even toys that sync to your sexual experience to make cybersex more gratifying than ever before.
With so many hookup sites available, it can be hard to know where to start. Not to mention, finding a partner in the virtual world isn't exactly straightforward, especially if there's a particular fetish you're looking to explore. As with anything you get yourself into on the internet, be sure to never compromise your safety or privacy while you're engaging in all this virtual fun.
Sure, you're safe from STDs during cybersex, but there are still plenty of other viruses you could contract if you're not careful.
To cut through the complicated parts of cybersex, we’ve compiled a handy guide to take you through the dos and don'ts, the best sites to try, and even a few toys that can help take things to the next level.
The Benefits of Having Cybersex
For starters, it's fun. Unlike porn, cybersex adds a level of intimacy and interaction that you can't get from watching two strangers go at it.
If you've ever held back from trying a fetish or sexual act because you weren't sure if you'd like it yourself (or how a partner might react), testing it out on a cybersex partner via chat or livestream offers a safe space to dip your toe in the water. It can also end up boosting your confidence level once you do try and introduce it into the bedroom.
Cybersex via chat also allows for the perfect sexual scenario using just your imagination. Porn limits you to the fantasies that producers have decided will get their audience off. Even if you're able to search by traits of your ideal woman or type of sex or fetish, your jerk-off session is tied to whatever plays out on the screen. That's not the case when having cybersex with a stranger. You're able to imagine her as she is, doing what you want to her, with the words you're saying. Pretty hot, right?
Plus, there are plenty of different ways to go about having cybersex. If you're not one for words, so many sites offer live streaming capabilities. if you want want to limit yourself to just one cybersex partner, try chat forums based around fantasies to take the pressure off communicating with one person at a time.
Cybersex Do's and Don'ts
Never give out personal details
Even innocent details like the name of your street or personal details like your mother's maiden name can be a gateway for members to do damage to your identity, so make sure the information you're giving out isn't personal. "You never know who's on the other side of that phone or camera, even if you think you do," says health expert Caleb Backe. "It seems like a no-brainer, but safety comes first whether in cybersex or actual sex."
Create a separate email address
If your email has your first and last name in it or other identifying details, make a new account before signing up for a cybersex site.
"Create a separate email specifically for cybersexing and other fun digital endeavors," recommends Backe. "I know, another email account or social media account can be a pain in the neck but trust me: you probably don’t want to consider the alternative scenarios that could end up manifesting themselves all too easily."
Always establish consent
Even though you're interacting virtually, it's still important to establish and respect boundaries. "When your cybersex involves other actual people (in a virtual space), communication and consent are still important," says sexpert Kayla Lords. "Both parties need to know what's going on and be okay with where things are going. If one person wants to stop, you stop. When someone has a hard limit or boundary they don't want crossed, their partner should respect that. What makes sex good (and legal) doesn't end simply because it's taking place in a virtual world."
Don't jump into things too quickly
Once you do connect with someone, don't just start rapid fire sexting them.
"Feel out your potential partner, and know your audience," adds Lords. "Don’t be too vulgar or too sexual too fast. Just because your partner is there for some digital fun too doesn’t mean you can treat them however you want. More often than not, there is a living, breathing person on the other side of that webcam. Remember the human."
Use sounds to your advantage
If you're connecting via video, getting things started with more sensual sounds will benefit your cyber experience.
"Whispering and soft-talking are erotic in many situations, but there is an even better quality to it during cybersex," notes Backe. "If you are the 'upper torso and lower' type, who is not into showing his face, whispering (and whispering fiercely) really amps things up."
Be very specific
"The more specific, the better, usually," says Backe. "Avoid the generic statements. Telling or texting your partner what it is precisely that you would do to them if they were there — it can be a huge turn-on. It's likely to receive a reaction or comeback just as steamy."
Sites To Try AdultXXXDate
Best for: Connecting with a large user base
Why we like it: A newcomer to the scene, AdultXXXDate has an impressive member base, estimated at over 80 million users. Who are all these people? The site uses ConfirmID, a third-party service that validates users information to confirm they are who they claim, to prevent you from being duped.
Pros: While the platform does have the capability to "match" users for IRL dates and hook ups, there's also other ways members can connect virtually. The sites "social groups" section is a place where users chat about their fantasies in real time, and can be filtered by location, topic and keyword to help you find exactly what you're looking for. There's a space for "activities," where users post photos and videos of themselves along with what they're into. It makes for a quick and easy way to find a cyber partner to reach out to. There are also live member cams you can stream and interact with, as well as instant messaging features to get in touch with members privately.
Cons: Many sections of this site are free, but in order to access the video capabilities you'll need to enroll in their "gold member" status at $30 per month.
Check out AdultXXXDate
Best for: The most virtual "bang" for your buck
Why we like it: Logging onto XMatch feels like entering an extremely sensual "choose your own adventure."
Pros: It's easy to make a quick connection by taking advantage of the site's "Hot or Not" section, which shows the hottest singles in your area to get you hooked up with a potential cyber partner quickly. Functions like the site's "Cupid Preferences" allow some of the work to be done for you, since you're able to make your partner preferences known. See something you like? Tag pictures, videos and members as "favorites" to easily navigate back once you're ready to get down to business.
Cons: Setting the right filters and preferences can be tricky. Make sure your filter is set to “Everything — All explicit content, including close-ups!” for best search results. To ensure you're getting notified of messages as frequently as possible, update your chat and IM settings to refresh every 10 seconds. A basic profile is free, but if you're looking to get XMatch's more premium features, you're looking at $20 a month (which we think is a great value).
Check out XMatch
Best for: Top-notch filter capabilities
Why we like it: iHookup's standout features definitely lie in their search capabilities and compatibility algorithms. There are so many ways to discover members, whether by a comprehensive search that gets as granular as body type and favorite sexual activities, or a compatibility rating that tells you whether you and a member are best suited for "On the Streets" or "In the Sheets."
Pros: Video options on the site are HD-level, whether you opt to join in on a member's live show, peruse feature shows or click over to their partner cam website, There, you'll be able to tell on-screen members what you want them to do in real time. Don't worry about not being able to reconnect with a favorite member, either. The site logs your recently viewed profiles, which you can favorite for your next visit. To make finding what you want even easier, you can set your preferences to show only the videos you're interested in (anything from blondes to BDSM). A membership clocks in at $29.99 per month, but iHookups access, options and search capabilities make it worth the price tag.
Cons: Matches who weren't exactly your fave can easily find you again, but the site’s blocking features are easy enough to navigate.
Check out iHookup
Best for: Integrating a high-tech toy
Why we like it: If you're looking for cybersex that's a bit more immersive, you might want to dip your toe into the world of interactive VR porn.
Pros: Equal parts online community and sex game, logging on to 3dxchat allows you to have sex with other players as the "character" of your choice. The best part? You'll be able to watch it all happen from your perspective in VR using the Oculus Rift (which you'll have to buy). You can also sync your experience to the fleshlight Vstroker to make the fantasy you're having really... uhh... come to life.
Cons: It's not exactly the most realistic cybersex experience you get with other sites. Also, the buy-in is pricey if you're looking to see it all in true VR with a headset. Membership may set you back $19.99 per month, but you can't beat the interactivity.
Check out 3dxchat.com
Best for: A highly visual cybersex escapade
Why we like it: They don't call it "Passion.com" for nothing. If you log onto this site, you'll immediately be lured in by the sultry members featured front and center.
Pros: There are plenty of ways to connect with members, whether you want to filter by body type or even whether or not they wear glasses. If you want to cut to the chase, navigating over to the "Live Action" section will give you access to live model chats, member web cams and sexy chat rooms. Similar to other sites, the "What's Hot" feature gives you a look into the members, photos and videos that are getting the most love at any given moment. Membership costs are in line with competitors, starting at $29.99 per month.
Cons: It doesn't have as many members as sites like AdultXXXDate, but if you're looking for quality over quantity you should give this site a spin.
Check out Passion.com
Best for: Cybersex on a budget
Why we like it: You get most of the bells and whistles from other sites at a cheaper price.
Pros: if you log on to Friend Finder-X, you'll find a feed of steamy videos, livestreams, images and posts to feast your eyes on happening on the homepage. Want to get in on the action? Post a video, photo, or message to the feed to get responses from members, or meet members by way of searching who's online now. Still haven't found what you're looking for? The sites "Live Action" section features chats, live broadcasts and webcams that'll easily connect you with members waiting to start their next cybersex session. Access starts at just $9.95 per month, which makes this site great if you're a beginner on a budget.
Cons: If you're not comfortable with broadcasting yourself to the world, it may take longer to find a match as the site's set up favors the bold.
Check out Friend Finder-X
Toys to Take It Up a Notch
Whether you want to free up your hands to type out your fantasies or take your livecam action up a notch, here are a few toys worth considering for your next cybersex session.
Adam's Turbo Dual Stroker
If you mount this masturbation toy to your wall or desk, you're free to thrust away as your digital fantasy unfolds. Whether you're talking dirty about oral or getting to the main event, there's a side of this stroker designed to stimulate both acts. This particular toy is extra deep to allow you the freedom to thrust deeper. Want more suction? Keep the cap on at the end for an even tighter fit. Plus, clean up is easy thanks to the removable fleshy insert. Rinse, dry and repeat.
$39.95 at AdamEve.com
The Vstroker is a fleshlight that syncs to your VR porn experience. What a time to be alive, am I right? The toy measures your strokes and thrusts, displaying them on the VR screen in front of you when you're using a compatible site (like 3dxchat.com).
Starting at $49.95 at Fleshlight.com
Pulse III Solo
This vibrator for men relies on oscillating technology to deliver sensations that work your member toward a more powerful orgasm without you having to do any of the work. Choose from five different vibration settings, each designed to stimulate the most sensitive parts of your penis at varying levels of intensity. It's rechargeable via a convenient USB plug, and the toy lasts for up to an hour of play. If you feel claustrophobic about sticking your penis into a vibrating toy, the Pulse III Solo's open-ended design will make you just as happy.
$119.95 at AdamEve.com
If you've found yourself a steady cybersex partner, it's probably worthwhile to invest in a toy that keeps the two of you even more connected. Give your partner control over your pleasure with this Bluetooth-capable toy. It has rumbly vibrations and inner workings that stimulate the best oral sex you've ever had.
$99.00 at Lovense.com
Commander USB Rechargeable Electric Pump
Found your cyber partner and need to get hard, quick? Look no further than this electric pump from Adam & Eve. Featuring soft sleeves in a variety of sizes to help you find the right fit, it's a quick and easy way to get ready for your next cyber session. Pump yourself up, or play with suction and release patterns for a variety of sensations. Not to mention, the see-through pump means your cyber partner can watch all of the fun happen too (if she's into it).
$74.95 at AdamEve.com
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